Making Time

Have you ever had a moment where you felt like time was collapsing in on itself? I'm not talking about deja vu. I'm talking about a moment, standing out in the woods or on a city street where you get the feeling that you aren't firmly planted in the same point of the timestream you were just moments ago. I had one of those today.

To back up a little, I've spent the last four days or so stuck in my room in front of my laptop. Somehow, the two tutorials I'm taking turned into five with homework due in all of them, all at the same time. Needless to say, it was stressful. I spent several days doing nothing but reading academic papers, writing essays, and trying to keep up with primary source reading. The honeymoon period was over and I was getting a taste of the insanity involved in an Oxford semester.

Added to all that, I hit a wall at the beginning of week four. Some students here fall prey to something SCIO calls "Fifth Week Blues". I, however, got it a week early. Even articles that weren't that difficult to understand - articles that would have taken me less than an hour at home - turned into several hours' long projects where I slogged through each sentence. That doesn't even take into account the task of interpreting those articles and using them in my own essay. I had a few moments there where I really wondered if I would manage to get it all done and turned in on time.

Most of last week was spent stressing like this. Thankfully, it was pretty cold and blustery outside, so I didn't feel like I was missing out as much as I might have. A little bit, but not much. Despite that small consolation, I was more than ready to get out from behind the computer by the time Monday rolled around. At that point, I only had one essay left to write and nothing left to read until after my tutorials.

Monday morning, I got up early and headed out for a walk. I had the whole morning open and promised myself I would just go wherever I wanted to go! So that's what I did. I spent the better part of two hours wandering Oxford. It was perfect timing, since Monday's weather saw the sun coming out and the temperatures rising over fifty for the first time in a week. I could not have asked for a more beautiful morning!

Perhaps the best part of that walk was coming through Christ Church Meadows. Not only did I have a beautiful view of the old buildings attached to Christ Church College, but I got to enjoy the morning mists rising off the fields. We've had a lot of rain here lately, so that combined with the cold temps means puddles of ice out in the fields typically used for grazing horses or cattle. In the morning on a warm day, that combination means the kind of mist that belongs in a regency movie or a fantasy novel. As much as I dislike getting up early, it was well worth it.

Another great part of that walk was the smell! I don't know what is planted on either side of the Christ Church Meadows garden path, but it is divine. Not too sweet, just a hint of spice without being too strong, and light. That combined with the cool - not cold - spring-like air, and I couldn't have asked for better. When I got out to the fields, the added hint of marshy ground/water left me feeling a little bit like I was back home.

After spending so much time outside, I managed to knock out my essay in probably three hours. There's really nothing like the morning air to get your brain over the mid-term wall! Once that essay was edited and turned in, I even had enough time on my hands to bake a cake and make frosting to go with it. I've been wanting to bake something for a while now, so this was a really nice break!

This morning, following a meeting with my advisor about my upcoming research essay, I headed out for another walk. This time, it wasn't as sunny as on Monday, but it was still really nice. Over-cast, cool, just a hint of a breeze. I had the chance to stop and pick up some postcards, which was nice. I've had that on my to-do list ever since I got here, but there were never any good chances to get it done. This time, I was determined! It was actually really nice to play tourist. I've been doing that the whole time in some ways, but I've also been so focused on my schoolwork that even when I'm out in town, there's a part of my brain worrying about what I have in front of me once I get back. Today, I just spent two hours goofing off.

During our weekly tea-time this afternoon, I told Dr. Kirkpatrick and Dr. Rosenburg that the COVID lockdown has been a mixed blessing. As much as I wish I could travel and go into the places I pass on a regular basis, two good things have come about from this horrible virus. The first is that Oxford is maybe a third as occupied as it would be. This is still the off season, but there would still be tourists and a lot more students here this time of year if not for the virus keeping everyone home. So, every time I go to the Radcliffe Camera - one of the most recognizable features of Oxford, by the way - or to the Bridge of Sighs, I have the whole place to myself. It's rare to see more than four or five people around me while I'm there, and they're usually the few students in town out for lunch on the steps.

The second blessing has been a little more obscure, and one I didn't recognize until today. If everything was open, I would be out playing tourist a lot more than I am now. While that would be great, I would also miss out on the chance to really make Oxford mine. I would still feel like a stranger in this city instead of settling in. While I'm still definitely a foreigner here, I also know my way around better than I might otherwise.

Just today, I was walking down to the Covered Market - which has existed since the eighteenth century - and I knew almost exactly where I was going. I remembered the shop I wanted to stop at for postcards and, while I wandered past it a few times, I managed to find it with minimal struggle. (I'm going to blame the three times I walked past it on the fact that their postcard racks weren't sitting outside the front door like they usually are; it looked totally different!)

What really caught me, though, was a brief moment walking down Cornmarket Street, just outside the Covered Market. It was just a flash, but it was something I've never experienced before. Like I mentioned in the opening of this post, it felt like time collapsed in on itself for a second. I was standing there in my green North Face windbreaker and Ahnu boots surrounded by people in various forms of twenty-first century clothing, but I was also standing there in the fifteenth century. I was surrounded by people shopping, both now and then, by people going about their business in the same way they have been for hundreds of years. In this exact place, on this street, outside these businesses - new or old - I was surrounded by both the present and by a past I never thought I would get to touch.

It was a humbling moment, for certain. I'm just an average middle class woman from West Michigan. And yet, here I was, surrounded by history and - for that moment - living history. It wasn't quite a Clare falling through the stones moment, but it was as close as I suspect I will ever get.

There's nothing quite like it. I hope everyone reading this gets to experience this folding of time at least once in their lives. The only time I had anything even remotely like it was when I went to my first Catholic mass and had the realization that I was experiencing worship in the same form as millions of people experienced it all through history. Even that, however, didn't come close to the glimpse into history I had today. I'm so grateful that I've had the chance to be in this city, to linger here and make it my own, because that is why I was able to experience what I did.

Now it's back to reality, but it's a calmer reality for the moment. I have things I could do, but nothing pressing just yet. Tomorrow begins a day of meetings and homework, so I'll enjoy the quiet while I have it. For now, I'm going to go scroll Amazon, listen to my music, and enjoy the end to a peaceful day. As the term marches on, I'll have more experiences and more adventures to share with you, but this is enough for now!

Until then, with all my love,

Journey Joslin